An ex-boyfriend of mine turned into a stalker after I broke up with him exactly two years ago. I already believed he was a sociopath at this point and I was scared he would hurt me and my kids after I saw him try to run over two motorcyclists because they drove too close to his car.
Once I could get my kids to safety, I had my apartment complex change the locks and I prepared for his protests and the aftermath.
The last time I spoke to him he said to me, “I told myself if you looked me in the eye and told me it was over, I’d believe you, but I don’t believe you.” Clearly, he was telling the truth because that was two years ago and he still doesn’t get it.
Since we broke up he has committed three felonies and I went to court for a restraining order. That restraining order expired this past January, and now he’s back at his emailing, texting, messaging on social media crazy-making. Because, you know, it’s still not clear to him that IT’S OVER.
Two years ago his latest message craziness would have frightened me – because that is what he wanted. A scared girl is a girl you can control.
Now I’m not scared. I see him for who he is. A mentally ill control freak with no emotional or moral capacity. Is he dangerous? I’m sure of it. But I also think he’s predictable in that he can’t help himself. He’s obsessed that he didn’t win. He didn’t get to control me. I got away… So he will keep pursuing using whatever excuse works at the moment – even while he has a girlfriend with two children too. That’s how bad it bothers him that he didn’t win…
What I’ve Learned
Last time, I didn’t know to report everything. I didn’t know to get the police involved. I didn’t know that the more people who know, the stronger you get and the weaker he gets. Bullies like to keep you alone, in fear, in doubt and weak. They like to re-write the truth too. I recently learned what the term gaslighting meant. Ah yes. That was one of his many tactics.
“Burton, I don’t want you in the apartment any more.”
[Burton comes home to the apartment that evening.]
“Burton, why are you here? We agreed you would move out! ”
“No, that’s not what we said at all. We said…”
Well, guess what – I’m not a caged bunny rabbit this time. And as much as it sucks to have someone obsess about you and feel 100% justified in their actions – someone who is so arrogant to believe that you are broken and God personally appointed them to fix you – situations like these also strengthen you.
As former US Navy Admiral William H. McRaven said, there are plenty of sharks in the world and when they circle you, stand your ground and prepare to punch them in the snout. And as my Marine Close Quarters Battle Instructor boyfriend tells me, “Easy Day…” I’m now very good at snout punching.
So Burton, when you read this, because I know you are so obsessed with me that you will find this within hours of me posting it, know the game is over and you’ve lost. I’m not your toy. I’m not broken – You are and everyone clearly sees it when they read what you write – because I share everything that you write.
I’m not falling for your texts, emails and Jesus messages. No means no. I do not want to see you or hear from you EVER AGAIN. You contact me again, it’s stalking. I’m racking up the police reports… I had another chat with the Sherriff today. Everything is recorded and documented – and if you keep it up I’ll see you in court again – pressing charges – and you will lose again.
Georgia Stalking Law
Georgia law defines stalking as following, watching, or contacting another person without their consent in order to harass or intimidate that person. It should be noted that under Georgia’s definition of stalking, these actions do not necessarily need to take place in person. A stalker may contact someone through various means of communication, such as by:
- Computer network; or
- Any other electronic device.