The Curious Path of Big Change
First there is an idea. It’s rather unconventional, but I am curiously drawn to it. At this point, considering the idea is innocent. There is no commitment on my part. I am just hypothesizing.
I do a little research. I ponder. I bat the idea around. I visualize some more. Oooh. That feels nice.
The adult in me tries to be “reasonable” and anticipate the issues, the problems. Is this really for me? Off I go doing more research. More consideration. Hours on Google and YouTube.
Then I come to a decision point. On one hand I have convention. It’s safe. I know it well. My friends and family know it well too because we are all living it. But it’s boring and bland and it lacks joy.
On the other hand, I have this unconventional idea. Is it really unconventional? It’s not like I am a pioneering something new. Several people are out there doing it right now. But still. For me, it is outside my pretty little life-as-I-know-it box. It’s uncomfortable here. So yes, it is unconventional by my current standards.
I find myself doing this big decision fidget dance. Let’s be real. I already know the answer. But I haven’t committed to it. The moment is close but it is not yet upon me. I’m going back and forth along this invisible edge wondering when I will jump to the other side. Oh the drama. And then with complete ease and grace, the moment happens. Done. The decision made itself. I just trusted it when the time was upon me. To live full time in an RV.
On The Other Side
As I pass through the walls of my pretty life-as-I-know-it box and leave it behind, there are some funny feelings. It’s like I explored too far on the playground during recess and I am wondering when the teacher is going to blow a whistle at me. Except there is no teacher. I am an adult now. I am my own teacher. I get to decide just how far I want to explore and when I blow the whistle. I don’t need permission. It’s all up to me.
So I start to share my “dirty” little unconventional secret with others, wondering if they are going to tell me off, shame me or feed me fear inducing stories… I anticipate and get ready for their negative reaction… Only to find that they are INSPIRED by what I am doing… and jealous.
Almost all of them have these unconventional longings too… along with their comfy reasons not to step beyond their pretty life-as-they-know-it boxes… I love their stories. I’m learning so much about each of them, their views on life and their dreams.
This is what I have come to learn about being open to the unconventional, and what I remind myself of often. Let me share…
- That weirdness you fear about defying social normals is real – but it only lasts a short while until you grant yourself the permission to be on the other side. For me, it lasts 1-2 days of WTF did I just do? It’s like I like to have a little drama to punctuate the moment of change. So be it.
- There is no universal “right way” to live life. That is such a lie. Question your assumptions. You get to be an adult and fully decide for yourself what your “right way” is. Then you get to own it. It takes guts to own your life and back your decisions up, but if feels amazing once you do. And let’s be real, it’s a copout to accept the default because it means you aren’t deciding anything. You are letting society parent you. Time to give up the pacifier, my dear.
- You have to have a “why” that makes you want it bad enough. Find your “why” and the scary stuff isn’t so scary after all. For me, I want to feel unbounded, to be lord and master over my time, which means to never work a full time job again. So I have to adjust… Grow the gap between income and expense. And this is a great way to adjust with a ton of liberating/adventure-inducing/tradition-grounding benefits.
- The goal of living a life where no “bad stuff” happens should not be the goal. The bad stuff is what makes the best stories and shapes your unique character. It also allows you to appreciate the richness and beauty of the good stuff. To fear the bad stuff is to imagine a negative, projected, UNREAL future so you can feel better about in not doing what you want to do. It’s stupid and limiting. We all reinforce this bad thinking habit with each other (Be careful, you might x,y,z. What if blah blah blah…) And although I seriously, seriously wrestle with fear (big time), and wanting to control things, and holding tight to the safety of pretty little life boxes – I know better. Your fear talk and excuses should be considered, but not allowed to decide what’s best for you. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
My countdown is on. I have a few weeks to give up my 90% of my stuff and take residence in a tiny home that can go wherever feels good to me. I’m excited and wondering what the hell this is going to be like. No matter what, it is going to be quite the experience and I’m going to have plenty to talk about and plenty of stories to share. I’m excited!