Knowing that much of our behavior is habitual or conditioned, and knowing that I myself can be overly nice, pleasing, accommodating and permission seeking, I have been struggling with what is authenticity? Where is the me in all of this stuff that I do?
When you start picking up these rocks and wondering what is genuine and what isn’t, it can be a bit unnerving. Like living in vertigo with nothing to stand on. Suddenly nothing looks real any more. There is no longer a you that you can find.
But then the other morning it hit me…what would I do if no one else was watching? What would make me feel good, feel like a bad ass, feel proud, feel enthusiastic if I did it and couldn’t share it with another soul? No facebook, no instagram, no pictures, no texting, no telling anyone about it at all. It would just be my secret. I could only do it for me.
When I asked myself this question, I knew. And the surprising thing was that many of the answers were the same stuff I already do, but it now had a different feeling associated with it. It changes from being externally motivated to internally motivated. Just like that. Like magic. I’ve been thinking about doing much of this stuff, but it was on my list because I thought “should” be on my list. Now, with no one here to please but me, it is well and truly on my list and I have more motivation to go out and do it, for the right reasons.
I think a great many of us are externally motivated even if we know better. It’s a habit – to look outside for validation and affirmation. To say “don’t do that” doesn’t really help. We start thinking in circles trying to see if we are doing it and rationalizing if we think we are or aren’t. This question takes all of that away.
Discover your authenticity by doing something for you and telling no one about it. It’s only for you. Then you’ll know where your motivations lie.